Sup Jim?

I've been posting some confronting stuff lately and getting flack for my attitudes - so here's the story... 

I've slowly been leaving the fold of christianity, and in the process, posting heaps of stuff online (Facebook mostly) about the journey. I get very provocative, poking holes in doctrines and theologies as I continue to process, and get lots of "hate mail" because of it.

I make fun of stuff, I present radical views, controversial ideas, even some pretty offensive stuff. I stir up the pot of religion, no matter what's in there or who gets offended by the smell.

I've been accused of being arrogant, rude, judgemental, (and heretical of course) and I can't deny any of that. Sometimes I look at my comments and think "Jim, you really stuffed that up!". But hey, I'm human, fallible, growing and learning to "live loved". I am who I am, and I'm accountable, open, honest and strive for complete integrity in every area of my life. You can correct me and challenge me, and I'll always listen. And I've even admitted to being wrong and apologising (at least once I'm sure).

But what the heck am I on about? Be assured that nothing I say should be taken as personal offence (yes, I've been pretty hacked off with individuals who should know better, lol). I know all too well that each of us believes what we believe because of very real personal experience. No one picks up a belief system because it just seemed like a good idea at the time (well, hopefully).

So here's my biggest dilemma in terms of christianity (and religion in general). Do I simply say "believe whatever you want, it's all good". Or maybe "believe whatever you want, but if it affects other's negatively, then you should be aware of that and examine what you believe closely". Or perhaps I should present the whole underlying psychology and spirituality of christian theology as nothing more than a construct that meets deep human needs, being neither good or bad in itself, as long as we are aware of that fact. Maybe I should be brutal and stuff the consequences. Or maybe I should just quietly post pictures of dinner and cat memes.

The problem is I see the validity of each point of view. The thing that influences me the most, of course, is my own experience with the abuse that I and countless others, have experienced because of our sexuality. But that isn't the whole story by any means. Aside from that, millions
 of us have simply seen a far bigger picture than the one christianity paints. A picture that can't be "unseen" and that makes the christian world very small.

As many of you know, I loath dogma in any form and see it as one of the most destructive elements of human thought and behaviour. Even the philosophies and science I explore for bigger and better answers are always open to change.

I will not fit into any box anyone tries to label me with. And I hope for the day when all of us refuse to join a system of dogma that is in any way exclusive, denying our intrinsic oneness and unique individuality.

If you don't like what I say, then fair enough. But don't be surprised if I challenge you, and possibly be offensive in the process. If you can't handle having your beliefs questioned then they aren't worthy of your acceptance in the first place.

Life is tough and we all look for comfort, safety, security, love and acceptance - but this should never be at the cost of reason, logic, integrity and honesty in everything. We are worth more than that. We are love incarnate, but a species who, over countless generations, have lost sight of that, and have ended up creating endless religions to understand what went wrong and how to fix it. It's time to grow up!

And believe it or not, I do love you all - even you fundies who get up my nose!!

Rape, life, love

We label people by their worst acts.

We declare a person to BE a Rapist
[this doesn't just apply to rape of course - you can add any other labels here]

When a line is crossed, within whatever social/moral/ethical standards we define, a person becomes the label. Their entire value as a human is reduced to the label.

Rape.

Now here's where I'm treading on thin ice.

Firstly, I think any form of violation towards a person, be it physical, emotional, whatever, is wrong. It comes from a place of uncontrolled ego, lack of respect, compassion and empathy etc, but mostly a lack of love. Whatever the reason it's unjustifiable.

But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how we define someone who has committed that sort of violation. We no longer accept them as someone who has done something really bad, but are willing to love them through it and help them confront the issue and the root causes. They have become the act - someone who has raped becomes a "rapist". They are no longer a complex human full of hurt, pain, desire, emotions, all shaped by a lifetime of experiences, upbringing, social context etc. They have simply become a rapist (or paedophile etc), no longer a person of any worth or value, they are now exclusively defined by their crime. They have become an object of hatred - a focal point of evil.

With all the respect, compassion and empathy due to victims of abuse/violation in any form, to take away someone's intrinsic humanity and replace it with a label that becomes a life sentence - a slow death fuelled by other people's need for revenge, justice, retribution, disgust and hatred - makes us no better than the abuser.

I'm also not talking about the impact on the victim, or the need to perhaps remove an abuser from society to keep others safe. This is all about perception and the value of every single life, no matter who they are or what they've done.

Do you know why forgiveness and love are constantly regarded as the most powerful things we can bring to this world? Because they are the only things that bring real change. You want to change a rapist? Love them, after all, the only reason they rape is because they don't understand love. If we demonstrate love in deep practical and powerful ways we will see it bring change. If we demonstrate revenge, hatred, and remove a person's humanity, we bring death. Unfortunately, many victims actually want that, and I can genuinely understand that! I know many victims who have deep lifelong scars from abuse. But that still doesn't change the fact that love brings life, and every single human being deserves life.

Stop the labels
Stop spreading hate
It takes effort, a lot of effort, to live loved. It's the "narrow road".
It takes no effort to condemn someone to death.
It takes a lot of effort to exercise concern, empathy.
It takes no effort to judge and demand retribution.

Again, to ALL victims of abuse of any form - I get it, I really do, the affect is devastating and deep. But what are we going to do about it? How are we going to bring life to EVERYONE out of pain of abuse - not just the victim.

"Live loved" = not just an empty platitude!

Dear bigoted, fundamentalist, homophobic christians...

Now that I have your attention, allow me to elaborate.

Have you ever noticed that if you pull someone up for something negative (especially online), most of the time they assume you're are making a derogatory comment about their value as a human being. They instantly think you are being personally slanderous.

If I say to someone that their comment is bigoted, most assume that I'm calling them a bigot, in the sense that I've just described their entire worth in one word. And yet all I'm saying is the comment or attitude that they have displayed in a particular context is bigoted.

There is also the whole issue of generalisations. I could say that most fundamentalist christians are close minded and refuse to listen to anything outside their set of dogmas. Once again, generalisations are exactly that - general statements that aren't meant to imply any personal defamation to an individual. It's simply a statement that describes a common mindset.

What I'm trying to say is that any particular mindset or opinion you may have about something  doesn't define your entire character or value as a human being. It may be an opinion that really sucks and needs to be challenged, but it still isn't who you are.

I have friends who I constantly have digs at for their particular views on something, but that doesn't devalue their humanity - their worth, the years of life experience, pain and suffering, joys, heartaches - all the things that make them humans like you and me!

Let's try to stop taking offence so easily and actually listen to people. If someone calls you a right wing conservative fundamentalist homophobic misogynist racist, it simply means they have reacted to that particular part of your life paradigm. It's what they've seen presented in a conversation or comment, a post or meme. And yes, often people get carried away and really do think your entire worth is contained in one viewpoint, but try to remember that they don't know you - they don't know everything that has made you who you are right now. They are reacting to that part of you that has been presented to them.

When you respond to people, be careful to clarify that it's the comment that may be the problem, NOT them as equal and fallible humans. The comment only represents a small part of their life paradigm. Instead of saying "you are a bigot", make it clear that "your comment was bigoted". Notice the difference? It's huge! And make sure that they understand the difference too!

It's all about love really - empathy and respect. And no, I don't always get it right myself, and lose my cool, but I'm also quick (hopefully) to apologise when I realise what I've done.

Living loved is what it's all about, and remember, you can always politely just "walk" away.

Self worth and Jesus

A central tenet of christian doctrine is the belief that we are intrinsically bad/evil and that only through Jesus can any sense of self worth be attained.

This is strengthened by persistent teachings that say things like "all of Him, none of me", "I can do nothing without Jesus", "I'm just a worthless sinner saved by grace" and countless other expression all based on various interpretation of scripture.

Self worth however, is exactly that - the worth of our "selves". What is our core identity (our essence/spirit/heart - all that we are) actually worth?

Is it doomed, from the moment of our conception, to be thwarted in every attempt at living loved, with honesty and compassion, to be a source of light and love to all around us?

Is our self worth a thing to be despised and utterly rejected, to be replaced in some magical way by the "worthiness" of another, which alone will make us acceptable to our God?

I know there are many doctrines that explain the indwelling of Christ and how he makes us one with him as our spirits are remade in his likeness etc. There are thousands of books written and sermons preached on this.

But all avoid the most fundamental issue - that however we hide it in nice and loving sounding doctrines - our deepest self, the "me" that we were created with that makes up all that we are - is worthless crap until Jesus takes over our hearts and makes us like him.

In a way, this works. Simply because if we accept that we are totally corrupted and screwed up, as is evident by the way we think and live, then believing that a "perfect being" can live inside us and solve this problem by us sacrificing every thought and desire we have to that being, then yeah, we will change, especially as we believe that being is loving and gracious and only wants the best for us.

But at a deeper level this is the ultimate abuse of humanity. It destroys our hearts and souls in a way that is so subtle that we actually think its healthy.

What if the real problem is simply that our own self worth is damaged by the lies we are taught from birth?

What if the examples of constant lovelessness as we grow reinforce the idea that we are so flawed that our only hope is by abandoning the little we have and allowing another being to live vicariously through us?

But what if the flame of our self worth were to be encouraged, brought to life and allowed to be everything it was created to be, simply for its own value?

What if we actually believed that we are beautiful, lovingly made, infinitely valuable, just because we are human? Imagine billions of people honouring each other's unique worth, respecting each other out of their own unique self-worth, living from a place of perfect and complete self love - a love that can do nothing other than embrace the love that we are all made of.

What if the religion we try to use to feel worth something, is doing the exact opposite and is slowly and thoroughly killing us off as individuals and as a species?

Yes, I know many people have been "saved" from lives of misery and abuse through christianity. But what if its nothing more than a cover up - a poor substitute for real life and living powerfully and wholly ourselves, full of love and life?

Personally, I've found this to be the case. By accepting who I am at the core of my being and allowing myself to unconditionally love that "me", I have become more loving, more patient, more compassionate, more filled with peace and joy, and far more capable of giving love to others than any amount of self-sacrifice to Christ could ever bring. Pride and arrogance fall away, rather than grow - the exact opposite of what Christianity told me would happen!

Live loved!

I was a chronic liar

Lying.

We hate liars. We are taught from day one that its absolutely wrong to lie, and when we catch people lying it destroys trust and credibility.

But we all tell little lies every so often. We twist the truth a little, tell "white lies", you know the story. It's even justifiable if the truth could do more damage than a careful lie!

But I lied all my life. I lied about who I was. I lied to myself every day. I lied to my family and friends. I lied to everyone.

I felt like I had no choice, but it ate me up from the inside out. "Coming out" as gay was inconceivable. Confiding in friends wasn't even an option - even those who I had some sort of "same sex" relationship with wouldn't talk about it. We just "did it". We had to lie.

Lying is so incredibly destructive. Obviously to those around us, but even more so to ourselves. It causes us to slowly build a false reality, a dual reality. It splits us, creating cognitive dissonance. It begins the process of mental illness and for some this can end in death.

I lied to my wife (both of them). I lied to my family. It was the only thing I could do to survive. But it nearly killed me.

This is why personal integrity is so important to me now. I ached to be "integral" all my life. You can't imagine what a relief it is to have nothing to hide any more!

When I say I'm free, I really mean I'm finally living whole and with integrity. I am who I am, open and transparent. Perhaps too open sometimes, but I don't care. It's such a massive relief to tell the world that I no longer have anything to hide. I'm not lying to you any more! No more skeletons in the closet. No more fear. No more self hatred.

I'm free! Yeah, it's all relative, and I know there are still many parts of my identity and "being" I don't understand. I'm still influenced by the deep scars of the lies, and my emotions betray that far too often. But I'm free of the need to lie - about anything actually.

Life is good!!

You mean I'm really OK??

I've really been into helping people see that they are OK, at the core of their being. They aren't broken.

I love seeing that spark as they realise they have value, that they actually matter and can bring so much to those around them, and even the rest of the world!

But I'm realising I don't quite live it myself - not as much as I would encourage others to do! Sure, I'm happier and more confident than I've ever been, but I'm seeing that my self hatred is deeper than I thought.

I didn't fit in as a kid. Then I realised I was gay - culturally forbidden in the 60s and 70s conservative middle class. Then I got religion, and the self loathing got even worse. My whole life was one of failure - not living up to my own or other's expectations. The image I had of myself affected every aspect of my life. I lived in fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Now, I have come out of that to the degree where I feel free and integral for the first time in my life, but I still don't value my abilities. I still think I'll fail - that people will somehow see that I'm a scrambled mess, and I'm of no real value.

I still walk into a room full of people and deep down assume that they are all "better" than me - more "adult" - more "together".

So here I am, trying to make Silent Gays and my book a going concern, when deep down, there's still that sense of fraud and failure.

I'm not sharing this for pity. Its simply that in seeing this for what it is, I realised that so many of us feel the same. If we've hidden who we really are out of fear and shame, then it will affect every area of our lives!

I passionately want to help the world be a better place, to provide hope and love. We all need to help each other to be all that we can - to recognise the affects of the past and to support and encourage each other.

We CAN do this - We are not our past - We are not who we were.

Apologies? Yeah, nah...

Should I apologise to all the christians I've offended?


I post a lot of apparently "anti-chrisitian" stuff on my Facebook page and I get a lot of different opinions about the stuff I post.

But I'm often a little ambiguous and leave a lot of wiggle room for those who have a firm belief in the "work of Jesus", and for those who have completely ditched the foundational beliefs.

I interact with a lot of "fundies" as well as liberals and atheists. I understand the need for religion. I've studied all the doctrines and know all the standard doctrinal and theological answers and all their variations.

I confuse a lot of people, for one simple reason - I refuse to fit into a box. Many think I've become atheist, or at least agnostic.


I will not be defined by any label, let alone a dogma. One thing I've learned above anything else is the absolutely essential need to ditch certainty, dogma, tradition, biases and subjectivity.

Exploration, uncertainty, questioning, re-evaluating, learning, challenging, "embracing the journey"... these are the things that truly make us humble and loving. When we realise that the only thing we know for sure is here and now, and that anything beyond that is conjecture, we begin to embrace the depth of life as it is.

Our life right now is all that matters, and when we live that with every ounce of integrity we can muster, then we can ask no more of ourselves. Whatever we may believe about the future and even eternity, is nothing more than an act of faith. It may help us bring love and life to the here and now, or it may not. Religion in all it's forms tends to bring death, separation, exclusion, division, bigotry and dogma.

For me to say I'm anti-religion is probably more accurate, but even then, many christians will agree without really understanding what I mean. Just for the record, I include ALL religious belief systems at their foundational level. I believe christianity, islam, whatever... are all reflections of the same human desire for certainty and control. They appeal to that part of us that wants to be exclusive - to believe that we have the truth and are better than others. Even the most caring christians I know still, at their core, believe they have the only truth and the rest of the world is doomed if they don't believe the same thing.

Religion, in any form, has proven to be the worst thing that the world has embraced. And yet we still persist in the vain hope that OUR religion will change the world for the better.

Ultimately, if your beliefs bring love, unity, compassion and empathy to the world, then go for it. But don't claim them to be the ultimate truth. Likewise, if your beliefs bring division, bigotry, hate, intolerance in any form to the world, then you desperately need to question them.

What do I believe?

As I've always said, no matter what - live loved. Theology and doctrines are interesting but nothing more than hot air. If you don't live in a state of being and giving love, then you are part of the problem no matter what you believe.

No apologies needed!

Through religion, and out the other side

This is probably more of an article than a blog. So grab a wine first.

I've spent a long time de-constructing Christianity (and religion in general) because I've lived through the worst of it, and seen the inestimable damage its done to so many, as well as the damage it's done to mankind in general.

I do this because it needs to happen. We need to be honest about this stuff. I recognise my bias/paradigm in all this, and would never deny it.

I have denounced the bible and traditional doctrines in no uncertain terms - not because they are devoid of any truth, but because to see any of the truths in a way that has real value to humanity in general, or to us individually, requires a level of "maturity" that not many have allowed themselves to achieve.

That's not meant to sound patronising, so I'll unpack that idea a little.


There is a "levels of faith" process described by Brian McLaren that lays out 4 distinct levels of growth or progress through our beliefs. It's not perfect of course, and often the lines are blurred between the levels, but it serves its purpose. (The levels can be applied to just about any religion).

1. Simplicity: Seeing everything in black and white - right and wrong - us and them. God is the ultimate authority who must be obeyed. The truth is knowable and liveable, but only through our belief system. This is where fundamentalist/literalists generally fit.
2. Complexity: There are many ways to grow and serve God. Life and spirituality is measured by goals, purpose and success. Authorities are the experts and can coach and direct us. God is the ultimate guide/coach. This is where your average church sits.
3. Perplexity: Everyone has an opinion and we can never know who is right. Beliefs are more subjective and relative, but being honest and authentic is crucial. There's a distrust of authority and a tendency to be highly cynical. Although passionate about integrity, there's a strong tendency to be highly critical and negative. Most leave the church at this stage.
4. Humility: There is an understanding of unity and deeper truths - our connectedness and focus is on wisdom and love instead of doctrines and dogma. Love becomes very practical and unconditional. Life is mysterious and paradoxical.

Most of us are happy to be told what to believe, how to live a good life etc, and as long as it represents good morals and makes reasonable sense we are happy to go with it. That's not necessarily a good or bad thing, but it is a lazy thing. It's deferring the responsibility for our core identity and belief system to someone else. It's lazy because we can "believe" something simply because heaps of others believe it, and assume that it must be true. This is basically level 1.
I would say that it's only beneficial for little kids, to provide boundaries of safety as they learn to think critically and mature. This is not a good place for any human to live, although it's often part of our spiritual journey.

The last few years, I've been struggling through level 3 and moving into level 4. Although I hate the clinical labels, it does help to map where I'm at and ponder where I'm going in my spiritual journey. I'm finding more and more people struggling at level 3, seeing all the inconsistencies, hypocrisy and just about everything that makes christianity a laughing stock at best, and a damaging blight on the face of the earth at worst.

To get to this stage can be soul destroying, causing a complete crisis of faith, often resulting in totally abandoning all traditional beliefs and even becoming atheists. A few manage to sift through all this and find a far deeper understanding of God and life, and move into level 4. For myself and many others, this isn't a clear cut process, but I can certainly attest to the reality of level 3, as we become critical thinkers, using logic, reason, science and above all, honesty and integrity, to examine our belief systems.

I have probably always tended to see aspects of the mystical and higher truths, but always felt trapped in seemingly logical constraints of fundamentalism. Finally leaving christianity, as it's known and represented in the first 3 levels, has felt like walking out of a school hall full of hyperactive screaming kids all throwing tantrums, into a beautiful serene forest with flowers and a little stream... you get the idea!

But to communicate to those still living in the other level is almost impossible. Level 1s will call anything else heretical. Level 3s will despise the lower levels as ignorant fundamentalists, and often fail to see the potential to keep growing. Even those at level 4 can tend to be dismissive and patronising of others apparently stuck in fundamental beliefs.

For myself, I'm still transitioning into level 4, as I wrestle with all the crap. But the level of peace I'm experiencing as it all falls away is astonishing. Doctrines become irrelevant. There is no in or out, us and them. Unity, love, integrity, compassion and empathy, have become the only things that matter, and love has become tangible. Love is becoming something I see in everyone without even trying. Living loved is becoming a natural part of me.

Life is still rich and complex. I act out of selfishness and ego, but I recognise it more than ever, and am finding myself more teachable than I've ever been, getting less offended about stuff. My heart for compassion and justice, to help the underdog and the broken is becoming real, rather than an obligation. I no longer have to "act" loving in defiance to my "sinful" nature, I just do what I feel, which happens to be more and more loving.

What used to be unreachable/unrealistic ideals is becoming reality.

So how does this relate to anything practical? Glad you asked!

I'm finding that Silent Gays is directly aimed at those struggling through level 3, compounded by their sexual identity. I seem to be finding people who are ready to jump off the cliff of faith, or those who have already jumped and are needing an ambulance. Realising all this is helping enormously in my focus and methodology.

I'm worried though, as a read through the blogs of my journey, that it sounds like my "growth" makes me, and others who relate to "level 4", superior and patronising, and that is the last thing I want!!

If anything, I understand why people cling to dogma and black and white thinking. I get the whole need for strict authority structures for some. But it's my passion to help people move through that phase and into greater freedom and peace.

I no longer see the bible as a historical book in any sense, and I'm not really concerned if Jesus was even a real person. If there is anything to be learned from scripture it's in hidden and deeper metaphor, which could be why so many "mystics" of the centuries, have drawn any life out of it.

Spirituality is constantly growing and changing as society and culture change, as science and technology change - because these sciences discover the reality of our physical universe and how we interact with it. And that has to change our spiritual concepts whether we like it or not.

Christianity, and all religions, can serve a purpose if we are taught to use critical thinking to see the deeper universal truths. But it takes time and a willingness to be wrong - about everything - all the time. And that's something we don't like very much!

Confession of a father

I'm angry. I'm frustrated. 

I spent all my life so obsessed with the battles of religion and desperately trying to be a "normal" heterosexual husband and father, that I missed so much of my son's needs.
I could see he was hurting. I could see as he hit his teen years that he was struggling, and withdrawing.
I could see the calls for help when he was sick, and battled with IBS for so long.
I could see the darkness when his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer when he was 15.
I could see the ache and the walls he built as she died when he was 17.
But I was never really there for him. I tried, I really tried, but it was too late in many ways, and I couldn't get through.
He hurts, deeply, and I feel the remorse.
We'll get there, I know we will, and he knows I love him, and I know he loves me.
And my daughter, grown and long moved on. But I missed out on her life, her pain, and wasn't there for her either. I'm so grateful to her mother and new father for being what I couldn't be. And yes, she loves me too, and she knows I love her!

Here's the bitter irony.

I wasted most of my life living the lies of religion, denying my own integrity and living a dishonest life. But that life brought forth my children. Two beautiful people.

If I'd lived with the integrity I so craved (to the point of being suicidal), they would not be here. So my life of "faking it" still brought something good.

What do you do with something like that? I hate the lies that told me I couldn't just be me. I hate them with a passion. But living those lies produced two beautiful people. Well, I guess that's just how it goes. But the pain of not being able to be the father they really needed, because of some screwed up religious dogma makes me angry.
I spent every ounce of emotional energy on maintaining the lie, leaving nothing for them.

It'll be OK, I know. But I'm putting this out there to show just how disgusting religion in all its forms can be. I lived some christian lie that directly affected the lives of two women and two kids. I know they still love me, but it hurts more than they may ever realise. And that hurt is something untold numbers of gay men (and women) experience.


It's got to stop!
How many more screwed up lives do there have to be before things really change?!?!

I'm not saying this looking for pity, I'm saying it so we can grow, and live real lives - to get the word out there to every LGBT person on this planet - we don't have to be someone else, to live up to some religious expectation or cultural demands. We really are free to be who we are!

Do I hate christianity?

This isn't going to be an easy or short blog, just sayin...

Someone innocently said I hate christianity today. It was an interesting comment and I had to stop and think. I went for a walk (my default processing mechanism) and pondered this, pulling together all my random thoughts, sifting through my reactions, looking at how I've grown and changed over the last few years.

I decided that it was a serious comment I couldn't take lightly, even if it wasn't intended that way.

If you've read my book you would understand my journey and why I have left it behind.  I can still respect where people are at with it, and understand the comparative freedom and peace it brings to so many. Its just that I regard it as one of many stepping stones in our understanding of spirituality. It can be used or abused like any other belief system.

But...

Do I hate it? I have to weigh up everything I know about it over the 40+ years of being deeply devoted to Jesus. I was a Jesus purist in many ways, and always strived to see the reality of Christ through the "religion", although miserably failing most of the time to see all my glaring inconsistencies and hypocrisies!

I think "hate" is the wrong word, or at least just one in a long list. I have to sift through the emotions I've experienced and would say that they cover disappointment, frustration, confusion, embarrassment and a sense of "what a fool I was". I'm repulsed by the control and manipulation of religious leaders - big and small. I loath the self righteousness of fundamentalism and biblical literalism. There is a lot of deep emotion there, and hate may well be among it all.

Perhaps frustration is the primary emotion. Frustration at the unwillingness of christians in general, to be willing to see beyond their mindset. It's that whole sense of "we've got the ultimate truth", christianity is the only way any human can be "saved", and the absolute devotion to bibliolatry - the worship of the bible as the complete and only source of truth and the revelation of God in its entirety.

There is an inherent sense of arrogance in christianity (although most religions are the same to various degrees) that is repulsive. But it hooks people in. It's that sense of belonging to an elite club - the "saved", the "righteous ones", those who have "made it" into the kingdom. It builds complex doctrines enforced by centuries of tradition and dogma, twisted by cultural, political and social paradigms that constantly aim to reinforce the exclusive nature of christendom and its superiority to all other religion (again, many other religions also have the same mentality!)

I've written other blogs about why I think christianity works as a belief system, but does that mean I endorse it? Would I tell people who are looking for spiritual meaning to look at christianity as a viable option? Probably not!

If you are currently embracing the christian paradigm, then I would say that's fine, just don't "park" there, in the sense that you need to keep asking questions, explore, dig deeper and recognise dogma for what it is. Yes, the psychology behind christianity can provide a lot of comfort and peace, and that has it's place. It's an easy religion to use as a psychological booster, especially with it's concepts of scapegoating, sacrifice, forgiveness etc.

But it also encourages us to stop there, without questioning. It demands that we refuse anything outside of it's own paradigms and constructs. It builds complex and punitive doctrines to keep people at at that level of spirituality.

I could go on but you're probably bored by now!

So yeah, umm, do I hate christianity? Mostly, I guess I do. Despite the benefits it may have hidden in its doctrines, I hate it's passion for dogma, it's exclusiveness, its bigotry and patronising expression of love. So in those terms I hate ALL religions! I just don't have the working knowledge of all the other ones to speak with any authority.


For those few christians who manage to weave deeper spiritual truths and real love into their beliefs, I say congratulations and "go for it", and be prepared to keep growing, no matter where it takes you! But you are a minority and will suffer (something about the narrow road, lol).

Our real nature, the reality of who we are, of what the universe is and how it all works is so much bigger and better than the little christian religion that its almost laughable. Not that I have much to offer, apart from a passion to search, question, explore and live with as much integrity as we can!

No more stuffing around

Over the last few years I've been through the process of completely re-assessing life in every way - from my sexual identity as a gay man to the very foundations of my spirituality.

Part of this process has been writing my story in the book "It's Life Jim.." (which I'm sure you've all read!). The other even more significant part of this has been the setting up of the Silent Gays project.

Interestingly, I've been dubbed a "christian gay author" in the media, although I didn't want to be stereotyped I thought what the heck, it helps me target the christian world.

But the problem is that I'm not really christian any more. I'm not trying to help christians understand that its ok to be gay and christian. I'm challenging the entire christian paradigm that created this mess in the first place!

I'm not particularly interested in doctrinal arguments (although I can engage at that level). I'm really trying to address the narrow minded bigotry that religion has created. I'm addressing the damage that it causes on every level.

My real heart for Silent Gays is to help LGBT people (and anyone really) who have had enough with religion and want a safe forum to explore, to question, to express anger, fear, abuse and frustration, to be amongst people who will actually listen without judgement and religious bias.

I've outgrown christianity. It was my "salvation" for most of my life and kept me alive, gave me a solid reference point that I could hang on to. I can respect those still in it, and completely empathise with their dependency and passion for it.  But its like a baby sitter that is no longer needed. It confined me to the safety of the nursery until I could step outside to see the enormity of all that is life.

So I'm dropping any pretence of trying to maintain credibility in christian circles. I'm going to aggressively (but lovingly) target those who have silently and painfully questioned everything for so long - who are torn apart inside, looking for something bigger and better - desperate for unconditional love and acceptance without any strings attached.

There are millions of people in this place, trapped by the fear of rejection by God and going to hell, terrified of the consequences of leaving, or even questioning, their current religious situation. And it's not just LGBT people, although they are my primary "target".

So I'll be refining my resource materials, tweaking the website, and working on getting the word out there.

Its time for the world to grow up and really understand what it is to live loved!